Newby Cock Ups

[joecoolfrog]

In order to provide some light relief and perhaps to encourage some new posters,this thread is dedicated to those first trip disasters that happen to us all.I shall kick off with the worst of the cock ups during my virgin trip to Asia,booked at the last minute with zero research of course!

1) As a result of rather too many Margueritas during a tour of Wanchai I should have flown out of Hong Kong with a monster hangover,this I avoided by neglecting to wake up before the plane took off.

2) Arrived in Phuket 24 hours late to discover my hotel (Diamond Cliff Resort)
was so exclusively the domain of well to do couples that overnight guests are completely banned.Fantastic facilities but my $120 a night bed was left unused for the duration,my room being returned to only each morning following a night spent in one or other of Patongs cheaper hotels.

3) Having waited patiently in a crowded Bangla Road bar for a couple of minutes I wondered aloud how I might get served........Just ring the bell advised the smiling girl sitting next to me!!!!

[holgerdanske]

Here's mine: I booked my room on my maiden trip to BK at a student/backpacker style hotel in the Sukhomvit not too far from NEP to try to save a few dollars. As a fortysomething white guy travelling alone, I sort of stuck out like a sore thumb among the much younger students and hippies who definitely frown on mongering. You know, the preachy Lonely Planet types. After checking in, I found out about the no-overnight guests policy of the hotel. Oh well, I soldiered on and had to fork out extra for ST rooms here and there.

Also, at one of the CP MP's, I got fooled by a gal with a very padded bra and heavy make-up. She turned out to be a lot older and small-chested than when I saw her in the display case. That's what you get when you show up near closing time - the leftovers no one else wanted. More lessons learned.

[joecoolfrog]

Padded Bras....The curse of all mongers!

[foggiepete]

My first trip to Pattaya I made the mistake of barfining the first go-go girl that spoke to me.I could then not get rid of her for days.
I should have shopped around and took my time in choosing my companion for the night.

[holgerdanske]

I thought this was a great idea for a forum topic. Come on guys, confess!

I made another newbie screwup that first trip. I barfined a cute TG from Cupidy. I specifically asked if what I was paying covered "everything" cuz the BF seemed high and I was low on funds, and the guy (sales rep?) said it did. We did our thing at a ST hotel room, then later she wanted some $. We talked a awhile and I figured out the guy was wrong. Unfortunately, I was out of baht and it was 3am and had no idea where to get more cash. I scraped enough together to pay for her cab fare and apologized profusely to her. Dumb, dumb, dumb...

[colonel_decker]

Biggest disaster on my first trip was possibly caused by a combination of eating food from beach vendors and rimming a bar girl's sphincter..... I got the worst case of the shits ever and lost control of my bodily functions. I tried to let out a subtle fart but I shat all over the bed and all over some poor girl's legs. (Just make sure you don't stay in room 312 at the Furama Beach Hotel in Pattaya) She pretended not to notice and even asked me to buy her breakfast in the morning. I was too embarrased to even look her in the eye and I couldn't leave the hotel for 2 days. It was fucking painful and I was kicking myself for flying 6000 miles just to make myself sick....

This was followed by my mate inviting a bar girl to see him off at the airport, when the girl I was with heard about this she insisted on coming along. I wasn't thrilled about the idea but I couldn't see any harm in it so I agreed. Of course this led to a very embarrasing scene at a bar in the deperature area with these girl's crocodile tears and not so subtle requests for more money. The thing is, my mate was too upset about leaving his "girlfriend" behind and was completely oblivious to what was going on. I'd figured it out and my toes were curling.

[holgerdanske]

...I tried to let out a subtle fart but I shat all over the bed and all over some poor girl's legs...

One of my personal rules: Never trust a fart!

[joecoolfrog]

Colonel
I reckon you got off lightly,most girls charge extra for that sort of thing!

[rjb007]

Good topic Mr. Frog. A lot easier to look back at our mistakes and laugh now.
I admit, I made the same mistakes all newbies make. My first time in Thailand was when I was nineteen. (many years ago) I went with several friends and for months we planned about all the women we were going to ravage. Two or three different girls a day was the plan. ($10 LT in 1977) Anyway, the first night I met a beautiful girl and ended up with her the entire week I was there. I was in LOVE. Boy, did I get the needle from my friends the rest of the trip.
However, the absolute worst time was my first exposure to joiner fee rip-off. Coincedentally, it was the Cliff Resort in Pattaya. It sounded nice from the brochures and I typically enjoy rooms with a view. I began to have doubts about my choice when I realized it was far away from the action. It was also a huge property but almost empty except for the few tour buses.
The room was great as was the view so I was feeling better about it. Took a taxi into town and hours later returned from Walking Street with a nice BG.
Upon entering the lobby I was immediately stopped by security who ushered me to the front desk. They wanted an extra 800bt for my friend. I was furious and demanded to see the manager. A fat Chinese guy in a suit comes out and tells me they do not welcome Thai women in Their Hotel. I explained I had booked a suite for two and she was my friend. No dice. He continued to embarass the poor girl and I simply told him I would be leaving in the morning and he could take the 800 bt and stick it up his ass. In the morning, I left with the BG and headed to the Marriot. From then on it has been the Marriot for me. As a sidenote I had my lawyer contact my credit card co. and had the 800bt charge erased. It probably cost me more than $200 for his time to erase a $20 charge but I felt good about it. Forget any Cliff Resort they are total rip-offs.

[joecoolfrog]

rjb
The odd thing about my hotel was that guests were banned,I even tried to bribe the security guard! Fact is that I was a frog out of water,what with my scruffy shorts and reading a battered copy of American Psycho at breakfast.

[Billabong]

I CRINGE to admit this, but my first trip to BKK was taken in the middle of a Born Again phase. I was 27. I was there to see the temples and buy some cheap suits, and that's the God's honest truth!
1. I was accosted by a cutie off-duty BG on a bus, exchanged contact details, but refused to go out with her when she came to my room that night to go clubbing, pleading jet-lag. I was staying at the then infamous Rose hotel near Patpong, when I realised it was a mongering den, I moved out!
2. I spent 3 days trying to EVANGALISE her. I think she only kept coming back because she was perplexed why a straight farang boy would not even hold her hand much less try to fuck her! She was a great little tour guide, did it all for free, OK I paid for some street vendor meals.
3. I fell for the being taken-to-a-tailor-in-a-tuk tuk-treatment, but half of the work was great and half of it sucked. A winner!
4. I was TOO cheap with accommodation got a B150 a night box in Khao Sarn Road, it was basically a cell with shared aircon. Never again!
5. I only gave up Jesus and my Cliff Richard image a few months AFTER I left LOS.... D'oh!

[joecoolfrog]

Thought I would dig this thread up to provide some light relief,come on Jimmy,Rocky,Agency and the rest of you senior chaps give us some amusing anecdotes on your newbie Fuck ups

[Billabong]

Here's a senior amphibian fuck-up.... he says 'goodbye' then he won't fucking leave!

[Montydog]

First trip to Thailand made the ultimate fuck up, took a farang GF. Still managed a in house massage with BBJ , a dash to Eden and a receptionist at the hotel on Koh Samui.

Had a “follow through” fart once walking a BG back to my hotel in CM but that was not really a “newbie” mistake rather a to much chilli mistake.

No major worries since then thanks to the www and boards like this and there contributors.

[joecoolfrog]

Here's a senior amphibian fuck-up.... he says 'goodbye' then he won't fucking leave!

The price of fame me old sheep fiddler,inbox was busting with desperate pleas from my devoted fans